We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
