you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
