I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
