**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize