my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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