He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
