Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
