no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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