either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
try to milk me bitch
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
