i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
