After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
