we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's always time for handjobs
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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