never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
