Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
should my penis look like a turkey
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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