the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
