Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
