He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
