Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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