i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize