just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
