Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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