she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
