just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
