she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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