i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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