No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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