Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
