i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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