the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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