Redeem this text for a blowjob
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
