she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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