so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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