I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
