I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
