you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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