if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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