He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize