Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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