wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
