He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
