So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
