This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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