Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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