I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
