There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize