Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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