Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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