Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
