Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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