Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
