I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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