i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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