it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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