Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize