im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
