no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
