Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
