I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
