K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize