the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The air taste purple.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
