if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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