and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
