Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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