just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
