just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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