margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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