I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
