dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
