It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
