So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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