My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
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I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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