You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
